In the past year many things had changed. I’ve wronged so many people and burned bridges that needn’t be burned. This is my confession.
Something happened to me last December that I’m not going to go into detail about, but it played a huge role in my downfall. It put me into a spiralling depression that I am still suffering from. It caused me to distance myself even further from my two closest friends that I eventually lost. I lashed out, lied, and destroyed any compassion that they once had for me. I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb what was really going on in my mind. In this attempt, I became someone I couldn’t even recognize. So I ran. I was rarely around, never went to class because all I did was think. Over and over about the things I said and done. The petty letter I wrote, how I could have prevented this from happening. It just plays over and over in my head. I was a coward. I went to the only place I knew I could go, where someone knew what had happened and was there for me. There were no hateful remarks or side glares, just love. Something that I needed to help me. But I took advantage of it and pushed away so many people who could have and would have been there for me. I wish I could just go back and correct it. Impossible.
I just need them to know that I’m sorry. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of them, things happen and I think of the various inside jokes that we had. The dumb stuff we did. The little things that had a huge impact on my life. I know a poorly written entry like this won’t fix anything but it’s a start, a gateway perhaps. I know that they won’t forgive me and honestly I’m terrified of what they have to say to me. But I deserve it. I deserve everything that happened in the past year after what I did. But I still have hope. If only I can just get through to one of them, maybe I’ll be forgiven.
So to those I hurt, I sincerely apologize. For everything. Things I said, did, didn’t do, anything or everything. I am truly sorry. I was ignorant of what I had and of what I will probably never have again for awhile. It may seem like at times I don’t care, but honestly no one knows what goes on in my head. It may not seem like I’m listening, but I do hear every word that’s been said.
I just hope that the people who I’ve written this for see this and know that I am sorry. So please retweet, reblog, or whatever you want to do, just help me get this to them before my guilt and regret consume me.